ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
