I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
