I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
