So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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