positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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