just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
