I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
