He asked to "fluff my boner.."
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
