My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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