I accidentally had phone sex last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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