Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
