My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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