I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
