This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
