My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
