TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
