Umm I'm too high to move.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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