I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
