Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
