This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
