THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
