This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
