got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
