he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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