His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
