What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
