Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
