I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
NoShamevember. You game?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
