she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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