ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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