Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
