honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
