At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The uberlube is also flammable
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
