Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
