tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Damn victory sex feels great
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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