omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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