be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
