I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
