i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize