This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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