So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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