I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
