I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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