i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
North Korea, Best Korea!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
