I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
