Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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