I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
