He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
