I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
