I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
