i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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