i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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