I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just tell him i said nine months
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
